Becoming and Being a Mom: Remembering My First Mother’s Day

I never wanted kids. Blech! They’re messy, smelly, needy, whiny, cause you heartbreak and then grow up and leave you alone. Why would anyone want that?
My own mother used to bore me with her ‘wisdom’:

‘Christine, when I was pregnant it was the most amazing thing in the world. I woul feel badly for daddy because he couldn’t experience this life within…’

‘Christine, it’s different when they’re your own…’

‘Christine, yes, you’re a doctor, but being a mother is far more rewarding…’

‘Enough with the dogs, Christine (after we brought our 2nd collie dog into our lives)! Enough with the dogs!’

I had silenced my mother: “Ma, I’m not having kids, so I don’t want to hear it.”

And then the asteroid came out of the sky and hit me on my head. I had changed my mind.

Yes, I had accomplished many things in my life and was always very grateful for that. But I guess I needed something different. Maybe I needed to be saved from the workaholic life I was leading. Maybe I just needed to live differently.

When I told my mother I was pregnant, she was actuallysilent. I had silenced her for solong that she was speechless.

I loved every moment of my pregnancy, which luckily, went fairly smoothly for a 42 year old working-full-time-plus woman.
And, my mother was right: when I was pregnant it was the most amazing thing in the world! A growing life within me—holy cow!

I am an obstetrician-gynecologist. How many babies have I brought into the world? But that never fazed me. This was totally different.

I remember vividly the day my daughter was born. I replay it in my head over and over and over again, like I’m sure all moms do.

She was a girl! She is a she! She is a girl!

I was convinced I was having a boy (so much for my obstetrical ultrasound detection skills!) So powerful. Soemotional. So peaceful. So surreal.

She looked nothing like me, but exactly like my husband.
But she was mine! My little girl.
Amalia is now 3 years old. She is really messy, definitely smelly, ‘mommy-mommy’ needy, often whiny and has already caused me heartbreak.

But I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything else.
Hearing her say, “Mommy, I love you” is indeed more rewarding than anything I’ve ever done– even curing a woman of her urinary incontinence (although that’s a fabulous thing to be able to do!)

My two dogs are now ranked #2 and #3.

They seem more annoying now, but I love them just the same.

My mother is no longer silent. Now she says, “see, I told you so!”

Thanks, mom. You were right.

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One Response to Becoming and Being a Mom: Remembering My First Mother’s Day

  1. terrie says:

    Soon your mother will be saying, “Just wait until you are a grandmother, it is better than even being a mommy. More peaceful”
    She will be right, again 🙂
    Try to enjoy this time, I wish I had worried less about my control over my child and more about being in the moments.
    Now as I see my adult children parent, by being more, “available and less stressed”, I mourn the loss of those moments where I could have just played with them. Breakfast could have waited a little bit until playing tent with the blankets lost it’s appeal for them.
    The hardest part of being a mom is finding the balance between life coach and nurturer. Hard on you 🙂

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